Okay, so Walmart's clutching its pearls because the price of gas is going up thanks to that whole thing we're doing in Iran. Apparently, Americans are, like, actually noticing that their wallets are lighter than a Soylent-fed vegan at a MAGA rally. Who knew?

The Big Dubya is blaming the Iranian dust-up for gas hitting $4.56 a gallon (thanks, AAA, for confirming the obvious). Meanwhile, our esteemed overlords in Washington D.C. are probably figuring out how to squeeze more tax dollars out of us to fund the next gender studies program in Kabul. You can't make this stuff up, folks.

Walmart's CFO, some dude named John David Rainey, is quoted as saying that the Trump tax cuts (One Big Beautiful Bill Act, or OBBBA for those in the know) temporarily masked the pain. Translation: Trump gave you a bone, and now Biden's taking it back to redistribute amongst preferred demographics.

"I think higher tax returns muted some of the pressure related to higher fuel prices and as we're in a period of time right now where those tax refunds are largely not coming in, I think consumers are going to feel more of that pressure from higher fuel prices," Rainey said. Well, duh.

Rainey also dropped the bomb that if the Strait of Hormuz gets plugged, we're all gonna be eating dirt because fertilizer prices are gonna skyrocket. So, stock up on canned goods, folks. It's Mad Max time!

Walmart's Q1 profits were up 18.8%, hitting a cool $5.3 billion. So, they're not exactly starving. But now they're projecting slower growth, which, in corporate-speak, means they might only make, like, a measly few billion next quarter. Tragic.

Naturally, Walmart's stock tanked 7% because Wall Street is full of drama queens. But hey, at least you can still buy cheap Chinese-made garbage there, right?

Here's the real red pill: This whole situation is a perfect storm of government meddling, globalist agendas, and corporate greed. The war in Iran is a pointless waste of resources, the Federal Reserve is printing money like it's going out of style, and Walmart is trying to virtue signal its way into your heart while simultaneously squeezing every last penny out of your bank account.

So, what's the solution? Simple: Stop voting for clowns, stop supporting woke corporations, and start prepping for the inevitable collapse of civilization. Or, you know, just buy more stuff from Walmart. Your choice.

Oh, and one last thing: Maybe Walmart should spend less time pushing rainbow-colored merchandise and more time, I dunno, keeping prices down? Just a thought.

Anyways, back to the breadlines. The government will get us through this, right? Right?

Remember the good old days? Yeah, me neither.