Washington D.C. – Alright, folks, grab your tinfoil hats, because the libs aren't gonna tell you this: the U.S. birth rate is in the toilet, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). We're talking record lows, people. Like, lower than your grandma's expectations for your career.

Since 2007, the number of future burger flippers (and maybe a few engineers, if we're lucky) has plummeted by 23%. That's a yuge drop, folks. We're officially below replacement level, which means we're not even making enough new humans to replace the ones kicking the bucket. Sounds like someone needs to tell Gen Z to put down the avocado toast and get to work. Or, you know, maybe just stop living in their parents' basements.

William Brangham from PBS NewsHour jawed with some NPR dude named Brian Mann about this whole mess, and they probably blamed it on climate change or something equally ridiculous. But let's be real: it's probably the crippling student loan debt, the woke indoctrination in schools, and the fact that nobody can afford a house anymore thanks to endless government money printing.

So, what does this mean? Well, fewer workers paying taxes to fund the boomer's retirement and all those 'green' energy scams, for starters. Plus, who's gonna fight the next war when everyone's too busy identifying as a cat? It's all downhill from here, folks. Prepare for the soyboy apocalypse.

But hey, maybe this is a good thing. Less pollution, less traffic, fewer annoying TikTok trends. Silver linings, right? Or maybe this is just the universe's way of telling us we've screwed up beyond repair. Who knows? Pass the bleach.

In conclusion, the birth rate is tanking, and the libs are probably celebrating because fewer humans mean more 'equality' or some nonsense. But for those of us who actually care about America, it's time to stock up on ammo and canned goods. The end is nigh. Or at least, the end of affordable bacon.

Okay, boomer? More like, Okay, doomed. Now get off my lawn.