Alright, listen up, libtards and globalists: Papa Trump just served Iran a cold dish of American steel. The DoD confirmed that the US Navy boarded a ship full of Iranian crude in the Indian Ocean, courtesy of a good ol' fashioned "maritime interdiction." Turns out, Majestic X here was about to pull a fast one. Tough luck, towelheads. This is what happens when you mess with America, get rekt.

So, the glorious US of A has a full-on naval blockade of Iranian ports going on. Centcom says 33 ships have already been told to GTFO. The DoD ain't stopping there, either, they're gonna keep grabbing any ship caught slipping and "providing material support to Iran." Iran, predictably, whined about it, calling it "piracy." Cry more, commies.

And the best part? Trump told the Navy to "shoot and kill" any boat trying to plant mines in the Strait of Hormuz. No more Mr. Nice Guy. The Orange Man is back, and he's ordering the boys to make sure the Strait of Hormuz stays mine-free for the world. He bragged that the blockade is "100% effective" and that Iran is "getting no business." Facts don't care about your feelings, snowflake.

Some Iranian parliament dude, Hamidreza Haji Bababei (lol), claims they're making bank off tolls on ships using the Strait. The BBC couldn't confirm it, which probably means it's total BS. Remember when Biden said inflation was transitory? These guys lie like they breathe.

Even though there's a fake ceasefire, Trump isn't easing up on the squeeze. Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf is crying about the blockade. Good. Let them eat cake!

Trump hopped on Truth Social to declare "total control" of the Strait of Hormuz, while Iranians are "having a very hard time figuring out who their leader is." Sounds like a skill issue. Also, Iran snatched two cargo ships in the Strait, because when you can't beat 'em, steal from 'em. The IRGC is taking credit. Based. BBC Verify did some digging and found the footage questionable. Shocker.

Meanwhile, the Pentagon dunked on some fake news about it taking six months to clear mines. Some random assessment is not plausible. Six-month closure? Impossible and completely unacceptable. The US ain't gonna let some sand pirates shut down the world's oil supply. Keep seething, Iran. And get wrecked.