So, The Beatles' Apple Corps, those paragons of anti-establishment cool, are turning their old digs at 3 Savile Row into a seven-story monument to… themselves. A tourist trap. A cash grab. Insert eye roll emoji here. “The Beatles at 3 Savile Row,” they’re calling it. Sounds about as edgy as a cucumber sandwich.

Paul McCartney, bless his cotton socks, is all excited about it. Says it’s got “special memories.” Probably memories of tax shelters and avoiding screaming fans. Ringo Starr calls it “like coming home.” Maybe he’s planning on raiding the gift shop for free drumsticks.

This is what happens when Boomers run out of ideas. They monetize their past. They repackage their “rebellion” for mass consumption. They turn counter-culture into corporate kitsch. The actual rooftop concert, mind you, was shut down by the fuzz. Now, you get to pay to relive the glory of being told to turn down the amps. Irony is officially dead, folks.

And let’s not forget Apple Corps itself. Founded to give The Beatles control of their “financial affairs.” Translation: to avoid paying taxes like the rest of us plebs. Now, they’re just another corporation, squeezing every last drop of profit out of their brand. So much for “Imagine.”

Sadiq Khan, the virtue-signaling mayor of London, is predictably thrilled. “Hugely exciting,” he calls it. Probably sees dollar signs dancing in his eyes. More tourists, more revenue, more opportunities to virtue signal about how “diverse” and “inclusive” London is. Never mind the fact that average Londoners can’t afford a pint, let alone a ticket to see a replica of a recording studio.

And speaking of replicas, let’s talk about the AI-generated Beatles song from last year. Because nothing says authentic artistry like letting robots compose your music. It’s the equivalent of slapping a fresh coat of paint on a rotting corpse and calling it “new.”

So, yeah, go ahead and visit “The Beatles at 3 Savile Row.” Take your selfies. Buy your overpriced t-shirts. Just don’t pretend it’s anything more than a cynical attempt to milk the last bit of value out of a bygone era. And remember, kids, real rebellion doesn't come with a price tag. It’s free… or at least torrentable.

The railings are still the same, they say. So you can lean over them and contemplate the abyss of late-stage capitalism. Enjoy!