In a display of absolute peak administrative cope, the Taliban has officially ordered a sweeping ban on smartphone usage for all government workers. The new directive, handed down by the Taliban's military courts, applies to everyone from "high rank, low rank, general mujahideen, or service staff." According to the official rules, if you are caught using a smartphone on the job, your device will be immediately smashed on the spot, and you will be subjected to "legal and Sharia punishment." The only way to get a pass is if you get a written, physical note from the supreme leader himself, Hibatullah Akhundzada.

You literally cannot make this stuff up: video footage of the ban's rollout shows a Taliban official reading the actual ban order off of his own smartphone while another guy stands next to him systematically destroying devices with a tool. The absolute hypocrisy of utilizing a smartphone to announce that smartphones are banned is a level of clownishness that perfectly encapsulates the regime’s chaotic administrative style.

While the official military court directive is technically aimed at government workers, sources on the ground report that the rollout is happening in an incredibly chaotic, ad-hoc way. Local commanders are basically making up their own rules as they go. In some provinces, they are already extending the ban to target civilians, women, schoolteachers, medical workers, and students. Analysts believe the Taliban is simply testing the waters to see if they can pull off a North Korea-style blanket ban on the entire population.

This isn't the first time the regime has tried to throw a wrench into modern technology. Back in September, the big brains in Kabul decided to order a complete, nationwide internet blackout for two days. Their official excuse for pulling the plug on the web was to "prevent immorality" and stop people from viewing pornography. But because they didn't think it through, the sudden blackout immediately backfired in spectacular fashion.

The two-day blackout completely froze domestic commerce, broke the entire banking sector, and shut down emergency services. It even grounded civilian aviation because planes couldn't communicate properly. The private sector freaked out, the banks panicked, and even the Taliban's own security forces and the supreme leader's office realized they couldn't coordinate their own operations without the web. Realizing they had completely played themselves, they hastily turned the internet back on.