Alright, folks, gather 'round for the latest installment of “Australia: Land of the Free Healthcare (Unless You're a Non-Resident, Lol).” This time, it's Bikram Lama, aka Sydney's “birdman,” who decided to take a permanent dirt nap in Hyde Park. Apparently, the dude was chillin' with the pigeons for so long, nobody noticed he'd shuffled off this mortal coil for, like, a week. Now, suddenly, everyone's losing their minds. Cue the hand-wringing, pearl-clutching, and the inevitable call for an 'inquest' – because that's totally going to solve the problem, right? Independent MP Alex Greenwich, bless his heart, wants NSW Attorney-General Michael Daley to launch a full-blown investigation into this 'tragedy.' Because, you know, the real tragedy here isn't that a guy died alone and unnoticed, but that the optics are bad for the government. Lama came to Australia to study, then apparently got lost in the sauce and ended up a non-resident rough sleeper. Which means: no social housing, no dole checks, no fancy healthcare. Basically, if you ain't got the papers, you're SOL. The City of Sydney (that bastion of fiscal responsibility) estimates that 20% of the city's rough sleepers are non-residents. So, what's the solution? Open borders for everyone? Free housing for all? Sounds expensive. And who's gonna pay for it? You, the taxpayer. So, prepare your wallets. The coroner is 'awaiting a brief of evidence from NSW Police.' Translation: bureaucracy at its finest. Expect months of investigations, reports, and ultimately, a whole lot of nothing. Remember Sacha Lefebvre, who died sleeping rough in Melbourne? That inquest led to calls for 'housing as a human right.' Which is a nice sentiment, but completely detached from reality. Newsflash: housing isn't a human right. It's a commodity. And like any commodity, it costs money. Greenwich says there are 'so many questions that need to be answered.' Like, why wasn't this guy deported? Or, why did he fall through the cracks in the first place? But don't expect those questions to be asked. Instead, we'll get a lot of talk about 'systemic failures' and 'social justice.' Which is code for: 'we need more government programs and more of your money.' So, buckle up, buttercups. This is gonna be a long, expensive ride. And in the end, the only thing that will have changed is that the politicians will have patted themselves on the back for 'doing something.'