Alright, listen up, snowflakes. Another day, another reason why the West is collapsing faster than a house of cards in a hurricane. This time, it's a survey from the Wildlife Trusts, which, let's be honest, sounds about as trustworthy as Biden's brain function. Apparently, HALF of UK adults spend LESS than three hours a week outside. Three hours! That's less time than it takes to binge-watch the latest Netflix woke-fest. No wonder everyone's so miserable and virtue signaling.

This isn't just about being out of shape, which, let's face it, most of these people probably are. It's about a complete and utter disconnect from reality. Remember when kids used to, you know, PLAY outside? Climb trees, build forts, get covered in dirt? Now they're glued to their screens, mainlining TikTok and screaming about pronouns. And their parents are right there with them, posting inspirational quotes on Instagram while simultaneously microwaving soy-based 'meals'.

The survey claims almost 90% had rosy memories of playing outside. Okay, boomer. What happened? Did you all get scared of the sun? Develop an allergy to grass? Or are you just too busy signaling your superiority by complaining about everything on Twitter?

Of course, the article throws in the usual 'access to green space' excuse. Oh, boo-hoo, you can't walk five minutes to a park? Maybe try moving out of your overpriced London flat and getting a real job instead of complaining about the patriarchy. And even if access is an issue, there's this revolutionary concept called… walking. It's free, it's good for you, and it gets you outside. But I guess that requires effort, doesn't it?

Dom Higgins from the Wildlife Trusts is quoted saying how alarming the number of people spending so little time outdoors is. No sh*t, Sherlock. Maybe instead of virtue signaling with your '30 Days Wild' challenge, you should be telling people to man up and go for a walk. But that would require actually confronting reality, wouldn't it?

The article also mentions how spending on parks has 'plunged' because of council budgets. Translation: the government is spending all its money on woke nonsense and virtue signaling instead of actual infrastructure. Surprise, surprise.

And then there's the kicker: a 2016 poll suggested that UK children spend LESS time outside than PEOPLE IN PRISON. Let that sink in. Criminals get more fresh air than your precious little snowflakes. At this point, I’m starting to think prison is a better option. At least they are guaranteed 1 hour of fresh air and sunlight. Also, less chance of being exposed to critical race theory.