LAREDO, Texas – Well, butter my biscuits and call me surprised! Seems like a few folks decided to take the express train to meet their maker, courtesy of a Texas boxcar. Six bodies, all cozied up together. Talk about a close-knit community! Authorities are playing coy about the cause of death, probably because the obvious answer – Darwinism – isn't woke enough for the press release.

Laredo, of course, is prime real estate for this kind of thing. It's basically the Ellis Island of the Third World, except instead of statues and processed cheese, you get rusty boxcars and questionable life choices. Who would've thunk sneaking into another country in a metal container during the Texas summer wasn't the smartest move?

Now, the Usual Suspects are already gearing up to blame this on 'systemic injustice' and 'lack of open borders.' Cry me a river of liberal tears! Last time I checked, borders were invented for a reason. You can't just waltz into someone else's house, eat their food, and expect them to say 'Thank you for your cultural enrichment!'

Let's be real: these folks were trying to game the system. They made a bet, and they lost. Should we feel bad? Maybe. But should we change our entire immigration policy to prevent future boxcar barbecues? Absolutely not. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes (or, in this case, a free cremation).

The libs will say this is a humanitarian crisis. I say it's a self-correcting problem. The only crisis here is the one they manufacture every time someone doesn't follow the rules. Maybe if these countries weren't basket cases propped up by American tax dollars, people wouldn't be so desperate to leave in the first place. Just a thought.

Meanwhile, I'm sure some NGO is already drafting a press release about how we need to abolish ICE and provide free healthcare to everyone who sets foot on American soil, legally or otherwise. Because that's totally reasonable and not at all insane. No, really, these people need mental help.

This whole thing is just another reminder that the government can't fix everything. People make choices, and sometimes those choices have consequences. You can't legislate away stupidity, and you can't force people to be responsible for their own actions.

So, let's pour one out for the dearly departed boxcar riders. May their souls rest in peace, or at least not bother us anymore. And let's hope this little incident gives a few other aspiring border-hoppers a second thought before they hop in a metal death trap. Stay safe out there, folks. And maybe consider filling out some paperwork next time. Just a suggestion.

The real victims here are the taxpayers who will inevitably be footing the bill for the investigation, the body retrieval, and probably some sensitivity training for the border patrol. Because heaven forbid someone be inconvenienced by a few dead bodies.

In conclusion, six bodies in a boxcar: sad, but ultimately a lesson learned. Secure the border, enforce the laws, and let natural selection do its thing. And for the love of God, can we stop pretending like this is some kind of moral failing on our part?

The mainstream media will undoubtedly spin this into a sob story about the 'oppressed' and the 'disenfranchised.' Don't buy it. This is what happens when you try to cheat the system. End of story. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go enjoy a burger and thank my lucky stars I was born in a country with indoor plumbing and a functioning government. Well, mostly functioning.

God bless America. And may God have mercy on the souls of those who ride the metal death train.