Okay, so the Senate finally got off its collective butt and confirmed Frank Garcia as the top Africa envoy. Huge win for... someone. Probably the military-industrial complex, let's be real.

Apparently, this position was vacant for a long time. Which begs the question: did anyone even notice? I mean, Africa's still there, right? Nobody declared war on Delaware or anything while we were short an envoy?

The official line is this is all about 'trade.' Sure, Jan. It's about 'trade' like Hunter Biden's laptop was about 'Russian disinformation.' Translation: American corporations are about to start pillaging Africa's resources even harder, and Garcia's the guy who's gonna grease the wheels.

They're gonna trot out the old 'African Growth and Opportunity Act' (AGOA) again. Sounds nice, right? Opportunity! Growth! Except it's usually just a way for Western companies to exploit cheap labor and extract raw materials while leaving the local population with jack squat.

And let's not forget the real boogeyman here: China. The US is freaking out because China's been building infrastructure in Africa. Building! Imagine that! Actually investing in something other than endless wars and virtue signaling. So now we're sending in Garcia to 'counter' them. Translation: Start a proxy war over who gets to exploit Africa's resources the most.

Garcia's a Navy guy, which, what does that even mean for African policy? Probably means more military 'aid' (read: weapons) to 'stabilize' the region (read: create more chaos so we can justify selling them more weapons). It’s the circle of life, Simba.

During the confirmation, senators probably asked hard-hitting questions like, 'Will you be promoting diversity and inclusion in your approach to Africa?' You know, the important stuff. Meanwhile, the actual issues facing the continent—poverty, disease, corruption—get swept under the rug.

So get ready for a whole lot of 'win-win' deals that somehow always end up with American corporations winning and African nations losing. But hey, at least we're 'countering China,' right? That's all that matters. Just don't expect any actual positive change on the ground. The elites get theirs, and the rest get crumbs. Same as it ever was.

Welcome to the new scramble for Africa, folks. Except this time, it's not just about land and resources; it's about global dominance and virtue signaling. Buckle up.

And remember, the only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize. Or, you know, exploit developing nations. Tomato, tomato.

Anyway, time to crack open a cold one and watch the world burn. Maybe I'll invest in some Lockheed Martin stock. Seems like a solid bet these days. Thanks, Frank!

Don't forget to buy Gold, Bitcoin, and AR-15s.

Sources:

* Congressional Record * GlobalSecurity.org