TEOTIHUACAN, Mexico – Alright, folks, so some dude with a bad case of the Mondays decided to channel his inner edgy teen at the Teotihuacan pyramids, offing a Canadian tourist and wounding a bunch more. Turns out, this genius was carrying around stuff related to the Columbine shooting. Because nothing says “ancient civilization” like 90s school shooter nostalgia, right?

So, let’s break this down: we’ve got a guy in Mexico, inspired (allegedly) by a couple of angsty kids from Colorado. The world is truly a stage, and it's being directed by Michael Bay. You can’t make this stuff up, folks, unless you’re Hollywood, in which case, you already have.

Of course, the usual suspects are already lining up to blame everything under the sun: guns (duh), mental health (always a convenient scapegoat), and the internet (because everything bad happens online, apparently). But let’s be real, this is just another flavor of the same old cocktail of crazy that seems to be infecting the planet.

We're told this is all about 'ideological extremism'. Okay, sure. Maybe the guy just had a really, really bad breakup? Or maybe he just really, REALLY hated tourists. Occam's Razor, people. Keep it simple, stupid.

Honestly, who knows what goes on in the minds of these characters? Probably a whole lot of nothing, punctuated by fleeting moments of pure, unadulterated cringe. Still, it's a harsh reminder that there are bad people, some of whom live among us, that we should pay attention to.

Now, I'm not saying we need to start arming tour guides or turning every historical site into a fortress (although, wouldn’t that be awesome?). But maybe we should stop pretending that this kind of thing is some kind of outlier event. It's probably going to keep happening. It's just going to happen at different places, until society finds out what's causing it.

The real question is, what's the solution? More laws? More therapy? More tinfoil hats? I honestly don't know, and I'm not going to pretend I do, but I'm willing to bet that it involves unplugging from the matrix and going outside for a change.

So, the next time you’re feeling a little down, remember the guy at the pyramids. Then, go outside and touch some grass. You'll feel better, maybe.

And for the love of all that is holy, keep your Columbine fan fiction to yourself. Nobody wants to see that.

Authorities are still investigating, yada yada yada. The important thing is that we get back to the original truth in this situation. So, some guy did some dumb stuff. And people got hurt, and the world keeps spinning. Time to move on.

Just remember: don't be a pyramid shooter. It's bad for tourism, and it makes you look really, really dumb.