Washington D.C. - Alright, listen up, retards. The commies in the media are calling it a "bean renaissance." We all know what that REALLY means: You're gonna be eating a lot more beans, whether you like it or not. Inflation is hitting hard, and the elites are pushing their plant-based agenda. Guess what? Beans are the new Soylent Green. Get used to it.

So, yeah, grocery prices are skyrocketing. But don't worry, the government's got you covered... with beans. Fiber? Check. Cheap? Check. Soul-crushing sameness? Double-check. They're trying to normalize this, pretending it's some kind of trendy new thing. It's not. It's poverty food repackaged as 'cool.'

BeanTok? Seriously? Influencers shilling beans? This is peak clown world. It's like watching Marie Antoinette promote dumpster diving. The elites will be eating caviar while you're choking down another bowl of pinto beans. Wake up, sheeple!

And the 'leguminati'? Oh, please. These are the same virtue signaling morons who think wearing a mask while driving alone makes them a hero. They're just LARPing as health gurus while lining up for their government-issued rations.

Even Bluey is pushing the bean agenda now? They're indoctrinating your kids to love beans. Soon they'll be replacing school lunches with bean paste and propaganda. It's all part of the plan to turn your kids into compliant, bean-eating drones.

But hey, at least beans are better than bugs, right? They haven't started force-feeding us cricket protein... yet. Give it time. The globalists are just warming us up for the real menu of dystopian delicacies.

Don't fall for the hype. Learn to can your own food, raise chickens, and grow a garden. Get off the grid before they force-feed you the bean pill and turn you into a pod person. Freedom is not bean-shaped.

Stack silver, learn to code, and prepare for the inevitable collapse of civilization. Beans are just a symptom of a much larger problem. They're a reminder that the system is rigged against you and that you need to take control of your own destiny.

So next time you see a 'bean renaissance' article, remember what it really means: They're coming for your freedom, one bean at a time. Stay vigilant, stay based, and stay off the bean wagon.

Ultimately, the great bean awakening signifies the government's lack of resources due to funding woke programs. It's the perfect storm of inflation, wokeism, and dietary collapse.