WASHINGTON D.C. - Alright, folks, buckle up, buttercups. Cole Tomas Allen, the dude who allegedly tried to ventilate The Donald at the White House Correspondents' Dinner (aka the Nerd Prom), has entered a not guilty plea. Shocked, I tell ya. SHOCKED. Dude didn't even bother to speak – probably got his marching orders straight from Soros himself.

So, this Allen guy, he's accused of trying to off our glorious leader with a shotgun. At the WHCD, no less. That's where all the swamp creatures slither out to congratulate themselves on being totally not fake news. You know, the crowd that collectively short-circuited when Trump roasted them for being, well, them.

Now, the Deep State narrative is that this guy's a lone wolf, a disgruntled citizen who just snapped. Right. Just like Oswald acted alone. Just like Seth Rich was robbed during a botched robbery. Wake up, sheeple! This is all part of the plan to undermine our God-Emperor and return us to the pre-Trump dark ages.

The charges are the usual: attempted assassination, assaulting a fed (probably deserved it), and various boom-boom stick offenses. You know, the kind of stuff they slap on you when you try to exercise your Second Amendment rights a little too enthusiastically near the President.

Of course, the MSM (Mainstream Mockingbird Media) will spin this as further proof that Trump is a dangerous demagogue who inspires violence. Because obviously Trump made this guy do it. It's always Trump's fault, even when he's golfing in Scotland.

I'm betting this guy's defense will be something along the lines of 'temporary insanity' or 'the voices told me to do it.' Or maybe he'll just claim he was framed by the Deep State to make Trump look bad. Honestly, at this point, anything's possible.

Meanwhile, the WHCD will probably be held in a bunker next year, surrounded by layers of razor wire and armed guards. Because nothing says 'freedom of the press' like a heavily fortified compound.

So, stay tuned, folks. This is gonna be a wild ride. Just remember, don't believe everything you read, question everything, and trust no one. Especially not the talking heads on TV. They're all paid to lie to you. And definitely don't try to shoot the President. That's, like, super illegal. And probably bad for your health.