So, the NFL, in its infinite wisdom, is sending NINE games overseas in 2026. NINE. That's almost half a season for some of these poor schlubs. Paris? Melbourne? What's next, a pre-season scrimmage on the moon? This is peak globalist cuckery, folks.

While the rest of us are stuck here dealing with gas prices higher than Hunter Biden on a Tuesday, these pampered athletes are jet-setting around the world, virtue signaling to every progressive cause they can find. Don't forget, this is the same league that kneels for the anthem and lectures us about social justice.

I'm sure the French are thrilled to have a bunch of sweaty Americans disrupting their cafes. And the Aussies? Probably just stoked to pay exorbitant prices for watered-down beer and mediocre hot dogs. Let's be honest, nobody outside the US actually cares about American football. They're just in it for the Instagram clout.

The Jaguars playing back-to-back games in London? Classic Shad Khan move. He's probably more interested in building his global soccer empire than actually winning a Super Bowl. I bet he'll try to move the team there permanently before we know it. More games for the Limeys, less for the REAL fans back here. No one wants a Jacksonville franchise anyways, let's be honest. Khan is playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers.

And don't even get me started on the virtue signaling. I'm sure every game will be preceded by a land acknowledgement to the aboriginal peoples, a speech on climate change, and a performance by some woke rapper nobody's ever heard of.

It's all part of the grand plan to de-Americanize America. First, they come for our football; then, they come for our guns. Remember: the NFL is just another tool of the globalist elite. We need to fight back, turn off the TV, and start our own league. One with REAL American values. No kneeling. No pronouns. Just football.

Don't forget about the effect on the players. As if it's not hard enough smashing heads and risking CTE, now they get rewarded with an extra 20 hours in coach. I bet the owners will be flying first class though.

So, enjoy your “global” NFL, sheep. I'll be watching reruns of the 1985 Bears and reminiscing about a time when football was still American. And remember, MAGA. Unless you're flying overseas, then just grab your passport.