EDINBURGH – NatWest, formerly a respectable bank, is about to get a rude awakening at its annual general meeting (AGM). Seems their little virtue-signaling exercise on climate change isn't playing so well with the folks who actually own the place. Turns out, shareholders don't like watching their investments go up in flames just so the bank can virtue signal to Greta Thunberg and her disciples. The AGM, set for Tuesday, promises to be a glorious dumpster fire of wokeness versus fiscal sanity.

Leading the charge against this climate insanity is ShareAction – more like 'ShareExtortion', amirite? – and their band of eco-terrorist investors. They're demanding the bank reverse its 'backtracking' on climate commitments. Translation: stop pretending you care about the polar bears and start caring about shareholder value. They're calling for protest votes against Chairman Rick Haythornthwaite, who probably spends his days apologizing for his carbon footprint.

These investors, armed with a measly $1.4 trillion (pocket change, really), include the Church of England Pensions Board (because apparently God cares more about CO2 emissions than souls), Rathbones Investment Management, EdenTree Investment Management, Nest, and the Greater Manchester Pension Fund. They want a meeting with bank execs to 'discuss' the bank's future climate strategy. Expect lots of vegan snacks and performative hand-wringing.

But wait, there's more! ShareAction is also unleashing 70 climate scientists and 'experts' on NatWest. These are the same people who predicted the ice caps would melt by 2010, right? They're whining about NatWest creating a 'pathway for continued financing of a global fossil fuel economy'. Translation: NatWest is funding things that keep the lights on and the economy running. The horror!

So what exactly did NatWest do to trigger this meltdown? They stopped promising to not lend to oil and gas companies that don't have 'credible transition plans' (whatever that means) or don't report their carbon emissions (because paperwork fixes everything). They also stopped refusing to finance oil and gas exploration outside the UK, and they abandoned targets for aluminum, cement, and steel. Basically, they stopped kneecapping industries that are essential to modern life.

Jeanne Martin, head of ShareAction's banking program, claims NatWest is undermining public trust. Newsflash: Nobody trusts banks anyway! She also whines about 'fuelling a climate crisis'. Someone get this woman a fainting couch. NatWest's spokesperson, bless his heart, tried to defend the bank, saying they're still committed to reducing their climate impact. Yeah, right. That's what they all say.