So, NASA wants to build a Moon base by 2032. Sure, Jan. While they're busy renaming telescopes after preferred pronouns and issuing diversity reports, the ChiComs are probably already setting up a Starbucks on the dark side of the Moon. This whole 'Ignition Moon Base program' sounds like a great way to waste $20 billion of taxpayer money on something that will probably be obsolete by the time it's finished.

First, we're sending robots. Groundbreaking. Blue Origin and Astrobotic are gonna rake in the dough while building glorified Roombas for space. At least Bezos will finally get to spend his billions on something other than divorce settlements and phallic-shaped rockets. Good for him, I guess.

Then comes the nuclear power plants. Great idea. What could possibly go wrong with putting a fission reactor on the freaking Moon? I'm sure the environmentalists will be thrilled. Maybe we can convince Greta Thunberg to give it her seal of approval.

But the real kicker is the 'semi-permanent housing.' So, basically, a glorified space trailer park? I can already see the HOA meetings from here. 'No parking your rover on the lawn, Johnson!' Meanwhile, China's probably building a five-star resort complete with lunar casinos and zero-gravity hookers.

Jared Isaacman, the NASA Administrator, says the U.S. will 'never give up the Moon again.' Has he MET the US government? We can't even secure our own border, let alone hold onto celestial real estate. Pretty soon, we'll be renting the Moon back from China for exorbitant rates.

And let's not forget Elon Musk's Starship. Remember that thing? The one that's supposed to get us to Mars? Yeah, it's still exploding on the launchpad. So, good luck getting those 'semi-permanent' residents to their lunar vacation home on time.

Look, I'm all for space exploration, but this whole thing reeks of political posturing and corporate cronyism. We're so busy trying to appease every special interest group that we've forgotten how to actually accomplish anything. Maybe if we spent less time worrying about woke ideology and more time building actual rockets, we might actually have a chance.

So, by 2032, I predict the Moon will be a barren wasteland, littered with broken robots and abandoned power plants, while China hosts the Lunar Olympics. And we'll be back on Earth, arguing about pronouns and wondering where all the money went.

The Ignition Moon Base program has three distinct phases: robotic exploration, infrastructure development, and human habitation. The robotic phase is scheduled to last until 2029 and will involve mapping the Moon's surface and delivering scientific instruments. The infrastructure phase involves building nuclear and solar power facilities on the Moon. The human habitation phase involves building semi-permanent housing for astronauts.

And who are we kidding, they'll probably make sure there are gender-neutral bathrooms in space before they bother to find a cure for cancer. You know I'm right. The US aims to land Americans back on the Moon before President Donald Trump leaves office in 2028. NASA is competing with China to return humans to the lunar surface, meaning the space agency is under pressure to appear to be winning the new space race. China is forging ahead with its own plans to land humans on the Moon by 2030. On Monday it launched its Shenzhou-23 spacecraft, sending a crew of astronauts to the country's Tiangong space station. In March, Nasa announced a $20 billion programme to construct a permanent base powered by nuclear and solar energy at the Moon's south pole by 2032.