SWEET SPRINGS, Mo. – Jordan Derrick, some dude from Sweet Springs, Missouri, is about to find out that teaching Jihad Johnny how to make boom-booms on the interwebs isn't exactly a victimless crime. Turns out, those DIY explosive tutorials he was posting had a slight connection to that whole New Orleans truck-bombing fiasco back in '25. You know, the one where some ISIS-wannabe turned a pickup into a people-shredder on Bourbon Street? Good times.

Our trusty U.S. Attorney, R Matthew Price, is slapping Derrick with the whole shebang: unlicensed explosives manufacturing, illegal possession of a destructive device, and, of course, spreading the good word on how to blow stuff up real good. The feds are PISSED.

So, here's the story: Shamsud-Din Jabbar, may his 72 virgins be perpetually lukewarm, decided to plow his Ford F-150 into a crowd of drunken New Year's Eve revelers. Fourteen less woke snowflakes to trigger, and dozens more nursing hangovers mixed with shrapnel wounds. Apparently, Jabbar also packed a few IEDs for extra credit, but thankfully, those didn't go boom. Small mercies, right?

Turns out, Jabbar didn't exactly whip up those IEDs from scratch using his grandmother's recipe for apple pie filling. Nah, he downloaded the instructions from Derrick's social media, which apparently was less about cat videos and more about DIY jihad. The FBI says the design of Jabbar's bombs were exactly like the ones Derrick was bragging about since way back in 2023. Coincidence? I think NOT.

Derrick's tutorials were apparently a goddamn chemistry textbook for terrorists, complete with instructions on how to whip up RDX, TNT, PETN – the kind of stuff that makes Michael Bay movies look like Sesame Street. And just to prove he wasn't messing around, he even showed how to make nickel aminoguanidine perchlorate, which sounds like something you'd order at a hipster coffee shop, but is actually a very effective way to turn things into dust.

The Feds got REALLY interested in Derrick after some yokel in Odessa, Missouri, blew up his own house on May 4, 2026 trying to recreate Derrick's recipes. Darwin Award nominee right there.

So, what's the takeaway here? Well, first, maybe don't post bomb-making tutorials online. It's generally frowned upon. Second, this whole thing is a massive indictment of the internet, social media, and the fact that anyone with a Wi-Fi connection can become a terrorist mastermind (or, more likely, a Darwin Award winner). Third, the Second Amendment is there to protect us from tyrants, not terrorists. Fourth, our feckless politicians are more concerned with woke virtue signaling than keeping us safe.