KINCHEGA NATIONAL PARK, Australia – So, get this. Some eggheads dug up a thousand-year-old dingo grave in New South Wales. Turns out, the Aboriginals back then were super into burying their good boys and girls. Like, they even had a “feeding” ritual. Did the dingo demand gluten-free, fair-trade treats?

Radiocarbon dating says this dingo kicked the bucket sometime between 916 and 963 AD. The Barkindji people, bless their hearts, kept adding mussel shells to the grave for, like, five centuries. Talk about commitment. My neighbor can't even keep his lawn mowed for five weeks.

Dr. Amy Way, a real-life Indiana Jones type, says this is a big deal because nobody's ever seen this kind of dingo devotion before. 'We showed that the midden was created at the time of burial, so these two processes happened together as a way of interring the dingo… into that landscape,' she droned. Translation: they really, really liked this dog.

Apparently, the dingo had a rough life. Broken ribs, broken leg – probably got into a fight with a kangaroo. But the fact that it lived through it? Clearly, someone was slipping him bone broth and giving him all the belly rubs. Did they have pet insurance back then? Asking for a friend.

David Doyle, a Barkindji custodian, said the shell-adding was 'a way of keeping connection and also respecting the ancestors.' Which is way more respectful than my ex-girlfriend treated my goldfish.

Dingoes were apparently chill with the Aboriginals until colonization happened. Then, boom, hunted to extinction. Classic. Thanks, Western Civilization! But hey, at least some Barkindji people still rock dingo as their totem. Which is way cooler than my spirit animal – a sloth who likes pizza.

So, what's the takeaway here? Besides the fact that ancient Aboriginals were better pet owners than half the people I know? It's that history is weird and full of surprises. Also, maybe we should all start leaving mussel shells on our pets' graves. Just to be extra woke.

And let's be real: if they found my chihuahua's grave, they'd probably just assume it was a weirdly shaped rock. No mussel shells for Sparky. The elites will try to rewrite history. Do not let them erase the dingo, no matter how much they try to spin it.

Will the libs use this to further push the narrative of white guilt? Yes. Can we laugh while they do it? Also yes.