BERLIN – Can you believe this guy? Friedrich Merz, the alleged German Chancellor, is still trying to suck up to Trump after getting publicly humiliated over the Iran war and that whole pesky troop withdrawal thing. Seriously, does Germany have some kind of national Stockholm Syndrome when it comes to the USA? It's cringe.

Merz is out here pretending that Trump pulling 5,000 troops from Germany isn't a big deal. "Oh, it's just strategic!" he whines. Yeah, strategic for Trump to stick it to Europe for not paying their fair share for defense. Newsflash, Friedrich: Trump doesn't respect weakness, and simping harder isn't going to change that.

Then there's the Iran situation. Merz dared to say that Iran was “humiliating” Washington at the negotiating table, and Trump immediately clapped back, calling Merz's performance as chancellor “terrible.” And what does Merz do? He says the troop withdrawal has “no connection” to the disagreement! Come on, man! We ain't buyin' that cope.

And get this: the US is canceling the deployment of Tomahawk cruise missiles to Germany because… wait for it… we're out of ammo! Thanks, Ukraine and Iran wars! So much for that sweet, sweet NATO security blanket. Maybe Germany should've spent less on virtue signaling and more on, ya know, actual defense.

Merz says the “train has not departed” for future cooperation. Buddy, the train left the station, crashed into a ravine, and is currently being used as a meth lab. Trump doesn't need Europe. He's got America First to worry about. Europe can figure out their own problems for once.

He even admits that Trump respects his views “a little less for the moment.” A little less? Dude, Trump probably thinks you're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Wake up and smell the freedom, Friedrich!

Merz claims he shares Trump's goal of stopping Iran from getting nukes. Okay, boomer. But if you really cared, you'd be calling out the Biden administration's disastrous Iran deal that paved the way for this mess in the first place. But hey, gotta stay on brand, right?

Seriously, Germany needs to ditch this globalist garbage and start looking out for its own interests. Stop trying to be America's best friend and start acting like a sovereign nation. Maybe then, just maybe, Trump will actually take you seriously. But probably not.