LOLMets: $381M Payroll, Still Can't Win? Classic.
Second-highest payroll in MLB, 11-game losing streak? Sounds about right. Guess throwing woke money at a team doesn't guarantee trophies.
The New York Mets, bless their little blue and orange hearts, are at it again. They're proving that you can have the second-highest payroll in MLB – a cool $381 million – and still suck harder than a Dyson vacuum. Eleven straight losses? Swept for the third series in a row? Peak LOLMets. You hate to see it... unless you're a fan of schadenfreude, in which case, grab the popcorn.
It's almost poetic, isn't it? A team that probably virtue signals harder than any other in baseball, yet can't manage to win a damn game. It's like they're allergic to success. Maybe they're too busy renaming the peanuts to be more inclusive or something. Who knows? All I know is, watching them implode is more entertaining than anything Hollywood's putting out these days.
Seriously, $381 million? You could probably fund a small nation with that kind of cash. But instead, it's being used to pay a bunch of overpaid athletes who can't seem to hit a curveball or field a grounder. It's the ultimate example of the Peter Principle in action. Everyone gets promoted to the level of their incompetence, and then they get paid millions to wallow in it.
The best part? They had a 1-0 lead going into the ninth inning against the Cubs. The Cubs! And they still managed to blow it. It's like they're actively trying to lose. I'm starting to think they're tanking for a better draft pick. Or maybe they just enjoy the suffering. Who am I to judge?
Manager Carlos Mendoza, bless his heart, is out there saying, "Nobody's going to feel sorry for us. We've got to find a way.” Yeah, good luck with that, buddy. You're gonna need more than luck. You're gonna need a miracle. Maybe a visit from a priest. Or a shaman. Or maybe just a new owner who isn't afraid to fire everyone and start from scratch.
And then there's Francisco Lindor, whining about how "This feeling sucks.” Well, no duh, Francisco. Losing sucks. Especially when you're making millions of dollars to do it. Try working a minimum wage job for a week and then tell me how much "This feeling sucks.”
So, here's to the Mets. May their losing streak continue. May their fans continue to suffer. And may we all continue to laugh at their expense. Because in this crazy world, sometimes you just need a good dose of LOLMets to remind you that things could always be worse.
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