So, another day, another woke hand-wringing session about “class” in the UK. Apparently, some survey says a third of Brits think they've magically transformed into social butterflies overnight. Research firm Attest, bless their hearts, even coined a term: “polyclass.” Six million people are now playing social class bingo, claiming they're simultaneously sipping tea with the Queen and downing pints with the lads. Okay, sure.

Upper-middle and upper-class types are the main culprits, naturally. They're the ones who can afford the 'flexibility.' Meanwhile, 70% of the working class are like, 'Nope, still here, same as always.' No surprises there. Tell me again how the system is soooo rigged.

And the feels are real, apparently. Almost half of these snowflakes claim they've been 'judged' for their class. Newsflash: everyone judges everyone, all the time. Get over it. This isn't therapy; it's life. Welcome to the Thunderdome.

Some academic at the University of Kent, Dominic Abrams, is all excited about this “polyclass” thing, saying class boundaries are “blurred.” Right. They’re blurred because everyone’s playing pretend, not because the fundamental inequalities have vanished. The woke are really trying it now.

Abrams also whines about how traditional class categories are useless. Maybe because everyone's busy cosplaying as someone else? It’s like Halloween every day, but instead of candy, we get virtue signaling.

Millennials are the worst offenders, of course. Half of them think they've morphed into different classes or identify as multiple classes. They're basically social chameleons, blending in wherever the Instagram likes are highest. Where’s the authenticity, fam? The basedness?

Working-class folks supposedly change their behavior to fit in. But a third of them just don’t give a damn. Based. Absolute chads. Maybe there’s hope for humanity after all.

Then there's the Sutton Trust, bleating about a “happiness gap.” Poor little working-class people are sad, even when they get good jobs. Wah wah. Maybe they should try not being miserable. And maybe being rich doesn’t solve problems. Also, a good therapist is cheaper than buying a yacht.

Social mobility, the great lie of our time. The game is rigged, but nobody wants to admit it. Better to keep chasing the carrot on the stick, pretending that anyone can become a millionaire with enough “hustle.”