The Los Angeles Unified School District (LAUSD), that bastion of woke indoctrination, has actually done something based in reality: limited screen time for the younglings. Did hell freeze over? Are we living in a simulation? Because this smells suspiciously like common sense.

The resolution, passed 6-0 (unanimous?!), is supposed to curb the digital heroin drip these kids are mainlining in the classroom. We're talking screen time limits, YouTube bans (thank God), and restrictions during the sacred hours of passing period and lunchtime. Finally, a glimmer of hope in the abyss of edtech brainwashing.

Apparently, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) – even they – are hinting that maybe, just maybe, strapping kids to screens all day isn't the best recipe for a functioning human. They cited anxiety, depression, and attention spans shorter than a TikTok video. No duh.

Nick Melvoin, a school board member who co-sponsored this (miraculous) resolution, said they want to “put students before screens.” A novel concept! Maybe they'll even teach them cursive and the actual history of America, instead of just victimhood studies and pronoun identification.

School Beyond Screens, a coalition of parents and educators (probably the only sane people left in LA), is cautiously optimistic, but also demands “professional development” for teachers weaned on digital distractions. Translation: they want to deprogram teachers from their edtech cult.

This all comes after California passed the Phone-Free School Act. Baby steps, people. Baby steps. First, no phones. Then, limited screens. Next, ban TikTok. Then, we bring back dodgeball. A man can dream, can't he?

Of course, LAUSD superintendent Alberto M Carvalho (currently enjoying a paid vacation courtesy of the FBI) whined about “equity” and “restricting access.” Classic. Apparently, limiting access to brain-melting garbage is discriminatory now. Newsflash: it's called parenting, Alberto. Look it up.

So, what's the catch? Well, the policy doesn't kick in until the 2026-2027 school year. Plenty of time for the Woke Mafia to sabotage it, water it down, or replace it with a mandatory VR headset program. Stay vigilant, folks.

But for now, let's savor this fleeting moment of sanity. LAUSD, for once, is doing something right. Now, let's see if they can actually follow through and enforce it. Don't hold your breath.