Okay, folks, buckle up. The La Brea Tar Pits, home to some seriously old bones, is getting a $240 MILLION renovation. Yes, you read that right. Two hundred and forty million smackeroos. Meanwhile, Los Angeles is… well, Los Angeles. But hey, at least the saber-toothed cats will have updated digs before the inevitable earthquake swallows us all.

These pits, you see, are full of fossils from the Ice Age – mammoths, saber-tooths, the whole shebang. Apparently, they got stuck in the goo and became prehistoric paperweights. It's actually pretty cool, if you can ignore the fact that the city around it is slowly turning into a Mad Max movie.

The geniuses at the Natural History Museums of Los Angeles County (NHMLAC) decided this was the best use of taxpayer (and donor) money. I mean, who needs affordable housing when you can have dramatic walkways and bridges over a pit of asphalt? Think of the 'grammable moments!

According to Emily Lindsey, some curator lady, "It’s incredible; it’s like Pompeii, but in the middle of a massive city." Yeah, except Pompeii didn't have a homeless encampment next door. But details, details.

This whole thing started back in 2019, because, you know, these things take time. They had a whole public input process. I'm sure that was riveting. Then, in 2023, they picked some fancy-pants New York design firm, Weiss/Manfredi. Because clearly, nobody in California is capable of designing a walkway over a tar pit.

They claim this is all about "scientific literacy" and getting people to "understand how it’s done and how it relates to their everyday lives.” Right. Because seeing a bunch of fossilized bones is totally going to solve the problems of inflation, illegal immigration, and the ever-increasing cost of living. I'm pretty sure the average Joe is more concerned with how to afford gas than the bone structure of a mastodon.

The tar pits themselves are a result of an "underlying fault" that creates an "upwelling of oil." So, basically, it's a giant, sticky, prehistoric oil spill. And we're spending millions to gussy it up. You can't make this stuff up. It's peak clown world, TBH.

So, next time you're stuck in LA traffic, remember that at least the La Brea Tar Pits will be looking spiffy. And when the Big One hits, and California slides into the ocean, those mammoths will have a front-row seat. Ain't that something?