Well, butter my biscuits and call me triggered. Seems the last shipment of ISIS-adjacent Australians – you know, the women who decided hanging out with head-choppers was a swell idea – are packing their bags in Syria and heading back to the Land of Oz. Seven lovely ladies and 14 impressionable kids, all ready to spread the… ahem… multiculturalism.

Apparently, they're chilling in the al-Roj camp, which the US of A hilariously describes as an “incubator for radicalisation.” Ya think? It’s like calling a sewage plant a “potential source of pleasant aromas.” Anyway, according to the ABC News crew in Syria (because of course the ABC is on top of this), they’re being whisked away in a minivan, probably with a Syrian government chaperone, because who wouldn't want to babysit potential jihadis?

Tanya Plibersek, bless her heart, assures us they'll face the same “repercussions” as the last batch. What repercussions, you ask? Probably a stern talking-to and a free subscription to Multicultural Monthly. One of the ladies has a temporary exclusion order, which is basically a time-out for bad girls. Don't worry, she'll be back.

The real kicker? The government is playing the “we’re not helping them” card. Oh, no, they just “have the right” to come back. Like a boomerang of bad decisions, these sheilas are just exercising their inalienable right to return to the scene of the crime (of being really, really bad at choosing vacation destinations).

Let's not forget that some of these women claim they were “coerced” or “tricked” into joining ISIS. Right, and I “accidentally” ate that whole cheesecake. Sure, Jan. And the kids? Well, they're just… collateral damage. Years of trauma, radicalization, and zero exposure to civilization. What could possibly go wrong?

This is the fifth wave of ISIS refugees since 2019. The Morrison and Albanese governments have each rolled out the welcome mat before. And let’s not forget the intrepid escapees from al-Hawl camp who managed to find their way back to Beirut and then home, like homing pigeons with a penchant for carnage. Last month, we had a fresh delivery from Damascus, complete with arrests and charges for slavery and terrorism. Progress!

So, here we are, folks. Another round of potential security threats, courtesy of our unwavering commitment to… something. What that is, I couldn't tell you. But hey, at least it's something to talk about at the next BBQ, right? Just keep an eye on the potato salad.