DAYTON, Ohio – Alright, alright, alright. Who had Howard University making it rain in March Madness? Nobody, that's who. But here we are, watching the Bison drop 86 points on UMBC, securing their first-ever NCAA Tournament victory and sending the libs into a spiral of 'but muh equity!' Bryce Harris, forget DEI, that dude dropped 19 points and 14 boards like a boss. Ose Okojie with a career-high 23? Maybe talent > pronouns, just spitballing here.

Let's be honest, folks, Howard (24-10) ain't exactly known for being a sports powerhouse. More like a virtue-signaling factory with a basketball court. But even a broken clock is right twice a day, and maybe, just maybe, this win means they focused on, ya know, basketball for a change. UMBC (24-9), bless their hearts, tried to pull a comeback with DJ Armstrong Jr.'s three-pointer, but it wasn't enough. Maybe they should've spent less time renaming buildings and more time practicing free throws.

This whole game was a rollercoaster. Harris' jumper with seconds left? Clutch. Isaiah Brown sinking a free throw? Textbook. Now they gotta face Michigan, which is like going from a kiddie pool to the Mariana Trench. But hey, they got this far. Maybe they can pull off another miracle. Stranger things have happened – like Biden getting elected.

Remember when UMBC dunked on Virginia back in 2018? Good times. Before the world went completely insane. Now they're just another casualty of the woke wars, losing to a team from a school that probably has mandatory CRT training. Irony, thy name is basketball.

Everyone is talking about 'systemic inequalities' and 'resource disparities.' But maybe, just maybe, hard work and a little bit of luck can still overcome the woke mob’s narrative. Look, I'm not saying Howard is suddenly gonna become a bastion of conservative values. But I'll take a win is a win, and this is a win against the narrative that everything is rigged.

Meanwhile, Texas beat NC State, big whoop. Tramon Mark made a shot, blah blah blah. Nobody cares. The real story is Howard U. proving that even the wackiest institutions can stumble their way into success. The NCAA tourney is becoming an exercise in who can be the most woke and still win. It's painful to watch.

Look, I'm not saying Howard is gonna win the whole thing. But they won a game, they pissed off the libs, and they proved that anything is possible. So crack open a cold one, raise a glass to the Bison, and remember: Never underestimate the power of a good old-fashioned upset.