Birmingham, UK - So, the geniuses in charge of the UK banned disposable vapes last year, right? Brilliant! Solved the problem! Except… six million of these little nicotine-delivery systems are STILL ending up in the trash every week. Congrats, virtue signalers. You played yourselves. Now, Ana, 47, is out there at the Suez recycling plant near Birmingham, smashing these things open with a hammer. Modern feminism, am I right?

And what's inside these marvels of modern convenience? Lithium-ion batteries, of course! Because what could possibly go wrong with stuffing volatile chemicals into something designed to be tossed in the bin after a few puffs? Suez says these things are suspected in over 80% of their FIRE incidents last year. That's right, folks, environmentalism is now brought to you by spontaneously combusting garbage.

Dr. Adam Read, some sustainability guru at Suez, is whining about how it's costing a BILLION POUNDS a year to deal with this mess. A BILLION! I guess that wind farm project wasn't quite the economic miracle they promised. Who could have seen that coming? (Everyone with a brain, that's who.)

The real kicker? People are too DUMB to figure out how to throw these things away properly. They think they can just chuck 'em in the recycling bin with their avocado toast containers. Newsflash: you can't! Vapes are apparently sophisticated pieces of technology that require… wait for it… A TRIP TO A SPECIAL RECYCLING CENTER. I'm starting to think we need mandatory IQ tests before people are allowed to buy these things.

But hey, at least we're saving the planet, right? By digging up rare earth minerals in China to make these disposable devices, shipping them halfway around the world, and then setting our recycling plants on fire. Makes perfect sense.

And let's not forget the children! Think of the children vaping. Oh wait, we banned the cool-looking flavored ones so we saved them... for now. Until they find some other woke-approved method of self-destruction.

Remember that Aberdeen recycling facility that went up in flames four years ago? Twenty million pounds of investment, GONE. And now, thanks to the vape craze, every recycling plant in the country is a potential tinderbox. Is this the future the left wants? A smoldering wasteland of discarded e-cigs?

The solution? Stop banning things! Let the free market sort it out. Maybe someone will invent a biodegradable vape. Maybe people will learn to be responsible for their own damn trash. Or maybe, just maybe, we should stop pretending that we can centrally plan our way to a cleaner planet.