Xaysomboun Province, Laos – So, get this: Seven people, probably didn't get the memo on climate change being REAL, went into a cave in Laos to find gold and hunt wildlife. Real classy move, fellas. Now they're stuck because, surprise, it rained. The cave flooded. What a metaphor.

Of course, the globalist deep state couldn't let natural selection run its course. They had to scramble an “international team” of virtue-signaling cave divers. Seems like a waste of resources if you ask me. These aren't exactly contributing members of society. Huntin' critters and searchin' for shiny rocks?

Kengkard Bongkawong, some Thai rescue dude, is whining about how it’s gonna be “hard” to find the two dummies still missing. He’s gotta dive through a narrow tunnel. Boo-hoo. Sounds like a personal problem, Kengkard. Maybe if they had thought about consequences beforehand, this wouldn't be an issue.

We got Josh Richards, an Australian “cave diver” from a team called the “Soggy Wombats”. Soggy Wombats? Seriously? Are these guys for real? He's all, “It’s pretty awful.” No kidding, Sherlock. You're diving in a flooded cave. What did you expect, a tiki bar and complimentary mojitos?

Richards whines about clay and mud and diving in “coffee.” First world problems, am I right? These divers are “all fairly small and light” so they can squeeze into tiny spaces. Must be nice to get paid to contort yourself for the woke agenda.

There’s talk of divers from Japan, Indonesia, Thailand, Malaysia, and France. A regular United Nations of cave divers! All to save a few people who, let's be honest, probably voted for the wrong guy back home. Maybe we should prioritize rescuing our own first? Just spitballing here.

So, the rescue plan? Who knows. Pump out water, dive around in the mud. Sounds like a barrel of laughs. Meanwhile, you, the taxpayer, are footing the bill for this whole clown show. Remember this next time they ask for more money to fight climate change. They are going to use our money to save a gold digger?

The moral of the story? Don’t go into caves looking for gold. And if you do, don’t expect the rest of us to bail you out when you screw up. Just sayin'.