Alright, buckle up buttercups, because the latest doomer report is in: IQAir says the air is bad. Like, really bad. Apparently, 97% of cities don't meet the World Health Organization's (WHO) standards. Shocker. You'd think with all the virtue signaling and electric car virtue points we've been racking up, the air would be pristine by now.

But nooooo, the WHO – those paragons of unbiased scientific inquiry – lowered the acceptable level of PM2.5, those pesky little particles that apparently want to kill us all. It's like they want us to be depressed. They dropped it from 10 to 5 micrograms per cubic meter. Now, almost everywhere is failing. Mission accomplished, fearmongers.

Of course, the usual suspects are getting hammered: India, Pakistan, Bangladesh. You know, the places where they're too busy trying to feed their billions to worry about artisanal air filters. The report conveniently ignores the fact that these countries are also economic powerhouses in the making, but hey, gotta push that climate narrative.

And then there's the US. Land of the free, home of the smog. Los Angeles is still the armpit of American air quality. But don't worry, they're working on it. By banning gas-powered leaf blowers and forcing everyone into electric cars they can't afford. That'll fix everything.

The geniuses at IQAir blame fossil fuels, wildfires (thanks, California!), and inconsistent enforcement of the Clean Air Act. Translation: capitalism, nature, and government incompetence. Groundbreaking stuff.

Glory Dolphin Hammes, CEO of IQAir North America, wants governments to do something. More stringent standards! Better foreign policies! Because that's always worked so well, right? More regulations! More taxes! More power for the unelected bureaucrats!

The Clean Air Act? Oh, it's a joke. It's been around since 1970, and the air is still bad. Clearly, we need more Clean Air Acts. Or maybe, just maybe, we should stop letting China pollute with impunity while lecturing us about our carbon footprint.

So, what's the takeaway? The air is bad, the WHO is alarmist, and the government is useless. But hey, at least we're all in this together, right? Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go fire up my coal-powered grill and enjoy a steak. Because freedom.

Remember, folks, don't let the green scolds get you down. Crack open a cold one, breathe deep (if you dare), and remember that the only thing scarier than air pollution is a world run by woke environmentalists.

If you're feeling particularly rebellious, go buy a gas guzzler and roll coal on the nearest Prius. Just kidding... mostly.

And for the record, I'm not actually advocating for polluting the environment. Just pointing out the hypocrisy and absurdity of the situation. We're all doomed anyway, might as well have a little fun while we're at it.

Now go enjoy the apocalypse.