Denver, CO – So, some dude at Denver International Airport (DIA) decided to play real-life Frogger with a Frontier Airlines plane. Spoiler alert: the plane won. Authorities are saying he hopped a fence and then became intimately acquainted with the underside of a jet. Apparently, evolution missed a memo.

I mean, seriously, what was this guy thinking? Did he think he could outrun a freakin' airplane? Was he trying to catch the last flight to Wakanda? Maybe he just really, really hated peanuts. Whatever the reason, he’s now a cautionary tale for future generations of fence-hoppers and aviation enthusiasts with questionable life choices.

The libs are already screaming about mental health and systemic oppression, but let's be real: sometimes people just do dumb stuff. Darwinism at its finest. I’m sure the airline is thrilled – talk about a bad day at the office. The woke mob will probably demand Frontier rename the plane after him to honor his “bravery” or something. SMH.

Of course, the Usual Suspects™ are crawling out of the woodwork, decrying the lack of “safe spaces” at DIA. As if a hug and a participation trophy would have stopped this guy from becoming a hood ornament. They’ll be pushing for mandatory sensitivity training for baggage handlers next.

The real question is, what kind of security are we running at DIA that allows some rando to just waltz onto the tarmac? Did the security guard get distracted by a TikTok dance challenge? Was he too busy virtue-signaling about pronouns? Enquiring minds want to know.

And before anyone starts blaming Trump, remember that airport security has been a joke since the TSA was formed. Ever tried to bring a full-sized shampoo bottle through security? Easy peasy. But God forbid you have a fingernail file. Priorities, people!

This whole thing is just peak clown world. We’re living in a time when people are more outraged by misgendering than by actual stupidity. A guy gets turned into jet fuel, and the first thing everyone does is look for someone to blame besides the guy who jumped the fence.

So, let’s raise a glass to our dearly departed Darwin Award winner. May his sacrifice serve as a reminder to us all: fences exist for a reason, and airplanes are not your friends. Also, maybe lay off the conspiracy theories before your next trip to the airport.

Final thoughts: This wouldn't have happened if he was packing. Just sayin'.

Sources:

* Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) – because they're probably having a field day with this * Denver International Airport (DIA) – their PR team is working overtime right now