TAMPA, Fla. — Another day, another Florida Man story, and this one's a doozy. Joseph Patrick Wren, 56, decided to channel his inner Viking at a Tampa bus stop, allegedly body-slamming an 82-year-old woman and stealing her purse. The kicker? He was rocking a 'No Christ No Life' T-shirt. The libs are having a meltdown, naturally.

So, what went down? According to the Tampa PD, Wren allegedly grabbed the poor lady by the hair – gotta give him points for commitment – and chucked her on the ground, knocking her out cold. Then, he allegedly snatched her bag and made his escape on a bicycle. Peak Florida Man right there.

The pearl-clutchers are losing their minds over the T-shirt, of course. They're probably trying to link it to some alt-right conspiracy or something equally ridiculous. But let's be real, it's just a dude wearing a T-shirt. The real problem is the alleged assault and robbery. It's not the T-shirt that clocked the granny; it was a human being with bad intentions.

But hey, gotta love the irony. 'No Christ No Life' on the shirt, yet dude's probably gonna be begging for forgiveness when he's facing a judge. Maybe he should've thought about that before allegedly committing grand theft auto by bicycle.

The local po-po, bless their hearts, managed to snag Wren thanks to some Tesla footage and good old-fashioned patrolling. Tampa Police Chief Lee Bercaw is patting himself on the back, saying it's a testament to the strength of the city. Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just keep the criminals off the streets, chief.

He's currently chilling in the Hillsborough County Jail without bond, which is where he belongs. Hopefully, he'll have plenty of time to contemplate his life choices and maybe pick up a new T-shirt – one that says 'I Regret My Life Choices' or something equally appropriate.

So, there you have it: Florida Man, elderly victim, based T-shirt, bicycle getaway, and a whole lot of triggered libs. Just another Tuesday in the Sunshine State.