Vientiane, Laos – So, five guys playing Indiana Jones in a Laotian cave got stuck looking for shiny rocks. Surprise, surprise. Rescuers pulled 'em out after a week of spelunking gone wrong. Two more still MIA, probably arguing over the patriarchy as the water rises. Natural selection at its finest.

Look, I'm all for rugged individualism, but venturing into a flooded cave to strike it rich? That's less 'Galt's Gulch' and more 'Darwin Award' territory. These guys thought they could just waltz in and become overnight millionaires? Newsflash: gold digging is hard work, especially when you're dealing with Mother Nature and her woke agenda.

Remember that time AOC cried about a fence? These guys probably cried about the cave not being ADA compliant. But hey, at least the rescue teams didn't have to waste taxpayer money on DEI training or gender-neutral oxygen masks. Just good ol' fashioned American ingenuity (assuming there were Americans involved, which, let's be honest, is doubtful).

Of course, the Left is already spinning this into a climate change narrative, blaming the rising water levels on Trump's tweets and the patriarchy's refusal to recycle. Never mind the fact that it rains in Laos. It's always someone else's fault, right?

The real story here is the sheer stupidity of these gold-seeking dingbats. They thought they could outsmart nature and the market? Maybe they should have spent less time virtue signaling on Twitter and more time learning how to read a map.

And let's not forget the virtue-signaling performative activism that will undoubtedly emerge. Expect celebrities to tweet about the 'brave miners' and demand reparations for the Laotian cave ecosystem. Meanwhile, the rest of us are just trying to afford gas and groceries.

Honestly, if they were searching for gold so they could escape paying taxes that’s based, but this all sounds like another sad story.

Next time, maybe invest in a good pair of waders and a brain before venturing into a bat-infested hole. Or, you know, get a real job. Just a thought.

But hey, at least five of them are alive. Progress? Two less people to vote Democrat. Silver linings, folks. Silver linings.

While the families of the missing may be sad, at least there will be less mouths to feed. Maybe if they started mining doge coin they would have had better luck.

In the end, this is why the left can’t meme: they’re too busy worrying about the feelings of random gold miners who decided to play 'Survivor' in a flooded cave. Stay safe out there, Kings, and learn to code.

Let’s get back to blaming this on Biden.