Okay, so the Figure Skating World Championships are happening in Prague. Yes, Prague. Still exists, surprisingly. Anyway, after the Milan Cortina Olympics served up a heaping helping of woke nonsense and participation trophies, Worlds is supposed to be a redemption arc. Can these skaters pull it off, or will they succumb to the siren song of virtue signaling?

First off, some of the big names bailed. Alysa Liu and those ice dance commies, Chock and Bates, dipped after medaling in Milan. Smart move, honestly. Milk that sweet Olympic fame and avoid another potential embarrassment. But not everyone is a quitter.

Amber Glenn, bless her heart, is back for more punishment. Apparently, she botched a triple jump at the Olympics (shocking) and now she's looking for revenge. She's currently in third place after the short program, so maybe she'll actually land the damn jump this time. Good for her. "It's great being able to go into the free skate not feeling like I'm clawing my way up through the ranks for once," she said. Translation: she's actually trying this time. We appreciate the effort, Amber.

Then there's Ilia Malinin, who apparently face-planted at the Olympics. He's claiming it was a "one-time thing." Sure, buddy. Everyone has bad days, even millionaire ice princes. He's leading after the short program, so maybe he'll redeem himself. Or maybe he'll choke again. Either way, it'll be entertaining.

"But now I've realized that there's much more than just skating," Malinin whined. "It's being able to go out there, enjoy everything and just have fun." Oh, shut up. Nobody cares about your feelings. Just land the jumps and stop embarrassing America.

We also have the sob story of Alisa Efimova and Misha Mitrofanov, the US pairs skaters who couldn't compete at the Olympics because Alisa doesn't have her citizenship yet. Boo hoo. Maybe she should have filled out the paperwork sooner. Personal responsibility, people!

And of course, we have the usual suspects from Europe and Asia. Honestly, who cares? Unless they're wearing MAGA hats, they're irrelevant. The only thing that matters is whether the Americans can stop embarrassing themselves and bring home some gold. Otherwise, what's the point of even watching this ridiculous sport?

So, tune in, maybe. Or don't. It's your life. But if you do, at least have some beer and popcorn ready. You're gonna need it.