So, two Southwest Airlines planes almost became one giant, metal bird-smooch in Nashville because the FAA apparently can't tell left from right. Flight 507 was doing a go-around (because apparently landings are hard), and air traffic control decided, 'Hey, let's put it right in front of Flight 1152!' What could go wrong?

Luckily, both pilot crews had their wits about them and responded to the plane's version of a spidey-sense (onboard traffic alerts). Imagine the headlines if they hadn't. Probably something about 'climate change' or 'white supremacy' being the REAL cause.

The FAA, bless their bureaucratic hearts, is 'investigating.' Translation: shuffling papers, holding meetings where nothing gets decided, and probably blaming Trump somehow. Meanwhile, Buttigieg is probably still figuring out how to use a gas pump.

Southwest, ever the corporate PR machine, called it a 'precautionary maneuver' due to 'gusty winds.' Sure, Jan. It's always 'gusty winds' or 'unforeseen circumstances.' Never 'our air traffic controllers are as competent as a bag of hammers.'

FlightRadar24 (thank God for internet nerds) says they got within 500 feet of each other. That's like, closer than you are to your neighbor's chihuahua. And that, my friends, is officially a 'near midair collision.' Congrats, FAA! You almost made history…in a bad way.

This isn't the first time we've seen near misses, folks. Remember that UPS plane incident? Or the Hollywood Burbank runway shenanigans? It's like the skies are turning into a demolition derby, and the FAA is handing out the checkered flags.

But hey, at least Southwest's stock price is probably doing fine. Who cares about near-death experiences when you can boost shareholder value? That's the American way!

I'm just saying, maybe we should start training air traffic controllers on Microsoft Flight Simulator. Or maybe just let Elon Musk run the whole operation. What's the worst that could happen? (Don't answer that.)

The investigation will probably drag on for months, cost taxpayers millions, and result in absolutely nothing changing. The FAA will pat itself on the back for 'taking action,' and we'll all be one step closer to flying on autopilot while praying to Saint Reagan.

So, next time you're flying, remember to thank the pilots for not turning your plane into a fiery lawn dart. And maybe whisper a prayer to whatever deity you believe in…just in case the FAA is in charge.

And if you see Pete Buttigieg at the airport, maybe offer to show him how the TSA PreCheck line works. He seems a little lost.

Stay safe out there, folks. And try not to think about dying in a midair collision while you're enjoying your overpriced airport beer.