London – So, the virtue signalers thought they could escape the consequences of global chaos by buying a soulless electric golf cart? Think again, libs. The SMMT, those delightful purveyors of automotive doom, are here to rain on your parade. Turns out, that Iran war you ignored while lecturing about pronouns is about to make your precious electric vehicle (EV) habit a whole lot more expensive.

New car sales are up, sure, with EVs leading the charge like a horde of Prius-driving zombies. Two million electric tin cans clogging up the roads – congrats, you've saved the planet… or at least virtue-signaled hard enough to feel good about your carbon footprint while simultaneously supporting Chinese battery factories built on the backs of oppressed laborers.

But here’s the kicker: the SMMT is waving the red flag. That lovely little war the globalists are ignoring is about to jack up inflation and energy prices, making your electricity bill look like a ransom note. Suddenly, that smug grin you wore while passing gas stations is looking a bit… strained.

Remember last year's tax hikes on EVs? Yeah, the government giveth, and the government taketh away, especially when it comes to bleeding the middle class dry to fund their green fantasies. That £40,000 “luxury” EV tax? Turns out, luxury is now anything that isn’t a rusted-out Vauxhall Corsa held together with duct tape.

And let's not forget the zero-emission vehicle mandate, that glorious piece of bureaucratic overreach forcing manufacturers to sell EVs whether you want them or not. It's like being forced to eat kale at every meal – good for you, maybe, but mostly just annoying.

Fleet sales are up, naturally. Corporations love virtue signaling with company cars. Meanwhile, regular Joes are stuck choosing between a used petrol guzzler and a crippling car payment for an EV they can barely afford to charge. Thanks, elites!

Hybrids still exist, bless their gasoline-sipping hearts. But don't expect them to stick around for long. The eco-fascists want pure, unadulterated electric power, even if it means bankrupting the nation in the process.

The SMMT is downgrading its EV market share forecast? Color me shocked. Turns out, reality has a way of intruding on utopian fantasies.

Mike Hawes, bless his heart, is whining about the cost of compliance. Translation: the government is making it too expensive to sell cars, which will ultimately lead to fewer choices and higher prices for everyone. But hey, at least we're saving the planet… or something.