Okay, folks, gather 'round for some real talk. For decades, Europe has been living large off Uncle Sam's dime, happily outsourcing their national security to the U.S. taxpayer. They virtue signal about 'peace' and 'diplomacy' while conveniently forgetting who's footing the bill for the actual security part. But now, dun dun DUN... Trump's back, baby, and he's not playing patty-cake anymore.

This whole Article 42.7 thing is basically Europe's version of 'Oh crap, we might actually have to defend ourselves.' After Trump openly considered ditching NATO and rightfully called them out for being cowards when they refused to help with Iran, the Euros finally realized that maybe, just maybe, they should start thinking about their own survival. Welcome to the party, pals!

Article 42.7, the EU's so-called mutual defense clause, is basically a paper tiger until proven otherwise. Sure, it sounds good on paper: 'We'll all help each other!' But let's be honest, half of these countries can barely field a decent army, and the other half are too busy funding woke initiatives to worry about, like, actual defense.

The EU is now scrambling to figure out how this thing would even work. Von der Leyen admits they have no clue how to implement it. They’re drawing up a blueprint and a handbook. A handbook! As if some bureaucratic document is going to stop a Russian tank. This is peak EU right here: all talk, no trousers. Might as well write a strongly worded letter while they're at it.

Cyprus, bless their hearts, is leading the charge because they got hit by some drones. Welcome to the real world, friends! Turns out, not everyone plays by the rules of international etiquette. The Cypriot president is asking for 'bilateral assistance' – code for 'someone, anyone, please help us!'

Meanwhile, Poland's Prime Minister, Donald Tusk (no relation, probably), is rightly worried that the US won't have their back if Russia comes knocking. Gee, ya think? Maybe relying on a senile guy for your defense wasn’t such a great idea after all.

Let's be clear: this isn't about 'European strategic autonomy.' It's about Europe realizing they've been freeloading for too long and now they’re sh*tting themselves at the prospect of having to actually defend themselves. The EU needs to stop wasting money on gender studies and start investing in bullets, bombs, and badasses. (Figuratively speaking, of course. We wouldn't want to offend anyone.)