BUNIA, Congo — So, Ebola's back. Again. This time it's the Bundibugyo strain, which sounds like a rejected name for a new cryptocurrency. And wouldn't you know it, it's happening in the one place on Earth that makes Mad Max look like a Disney vacation: the Eastern Congo.

Suspected cases are nearing 1,000. But here's the kicker: the locals are less afraid of bleeding out their eyeballs and more afraid of…wait for it…the people trying to help them. Vanny Birungi, some Red Cross lady, is getting pelted with rocks. Literally. It's like a biblical reenactment, but instead of Jesus, it's some poor volunteer trying to explain germ theory to people who probably still think the Earth is flat.

No vaccine? No treatment? Sounds about right. Meanwhile, Pierre Basola, a 56-year-old local, thinks Ebola is a “white man’s invention.” You can't make this stuff up. The tinfoil hats are strong with this one.

Health centers are getting torched faster than a woke corporation's stock price after they virtue signal. Angry young men stormed a hospital. A Doctors Without Borders tent went up in flames. It's a regular bonfire of sanity over there.

Apparently, these folks are big on their funeral rituals, which involve touching dead bodies. Great idea! Let's just ignore basic science because tradition! What could possibly go wrong?

Heather Kerr from the International Rescue Committee (which probably has more bureaucracy than actual rescue) says trust is important. Yeah, no kidding, Sherlock. Try building trust when the last time these people saw a white guy, he was probably stealing their diamonds.

The WHO's Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus (say that five times fast) is whining about playing catch-up. Maybe try showing up on time next time, Tedros. This ain't a soccer match.

Mado Nditamba, a 70-year-old, is watching students run from aid workers. It's like a scene from a zombie movie, except the zombies are terrified of hand sanitizer.

Look, I'm not saying these people are wrong to be skeptical. Governments lie. Aid organizations are often corrupt. And sometimes, the cure is worse than the disease. But maybe, just maybe, not touching the bodily fluids of someone who's actively dying of Ebola is a good idea? Just a thought.

So, what's the solution? I dunno. Maybe we should just nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. (Just kidding… mostly.) The real answer is probably something boring like better governance, less corruption, and more respect for local culture. But where's the fun in that?

Meanwhile, I'm stocking up on hand sanitizer and praying that this whole thing stays contained. Because if Ebola hits America, we're all doomed. Especially after the last few years of trusting the government and 'experts'.