Alright, folks, gather 'round the campfire. California, the land of woke virtue signaling and $20 kombucha, is facing a real crisis: mushroom poisoning. Turns out, those progressive types can’t tell a death cap from a portobello. Who knew?

Forty-seven cases since November, including four dead and multiple liver transplants. Seems like natural selection is thinning the herd a bit. These eco-warriors probably thought they were being all self-sufficient, foraging for their own dinner. Instead, they ended up with a one-way ticket to the morgue. As they say, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Dr. Christine Wu, some public health official in Napa County, blames the rain. Of course, it's never personal responsibility, is it? Always gotta blame the weather, or “systemic inequality” or whatever the latest woke buzzword is. Truth is, if you can’t tell a poisonous mushroom from an edible one, maybe you shouldn’t be playing Survivorman.

The real kicker is that a lot of these cases are happening in the Salinas area, among folks from central Mexico. Apparently, they're mistaking death caps for some mushroom they used to forage back home. One genius even told the San Francisco Chronicle, “We thought it was safe. It looked a lot like the ones we picked and ate back in Oaxaca.” Yeah, well, Oaxaca ain't California, genius. Maybe learn the local flora before you start chowing down on random fungi.

Jess Starwood, some herbalist chick, chimes in with the usual expert drivel: "Death cap mushrooms can closely resemble edible species." No freakin' kidding, Sherlock. That's why they're called poisonous mushrooms. It's not rocket science. But hey, gotta keep the narrative going that everyone's a victim and needs the government to hold their hand, right?

Look, I’m not saying I’m happy people are dying. Okay, maybe a little. But seriously, this whole thing is a testament to the utter incompetence of the modern leftist. They can't tell the difference between genders, they can't tell the difference between right and wrong, and now they can't even tell the difference between a safe mushroom and a deadly one. It’s the perfect metaphor for the state of California itself.

So, here’s a pro-tip for all you aspiring foragers out there: if you don’t know what you’re doing, don’t do it. Stick to the grocery store. Buy your mushrooms pre-packaged and sanitized. And for the love of God, stop voting for policies that turn your state into a toxic wasteland. The mushrooms are just the icing on the cake of liberal lunacy.

And remember folks: stay based, and don’t eat anything you can’t identify. Unless you're really hungry, in which case, send me the video.

Sources:

* California Department of Public Health * San Francisco Chronicle