So, the Pistons, those beacons of hope in the otherwise desolate landscape of Detroit, are about to get a reality check. Cade Cunningham, their golden boy, the savior complex incarnate, is sidelined with a collapsed lung. Yes, a collapsed lung. Not a strained pinky, not a hangnail, but a full-blown, air-depriving COLLAPSED LUNG. Sounds about right for Detroit, doesn't it?

According to the Associated Press, the dude is out for at least two weeks, possibly longer. Which, in NBA terms, is approximately forever. The Pistons, bless their hearts, are currently leading the Eastern Conference. But let's be real, that's like being the smartest kid in remedial math. It's a participation trophy at best. They're 49-19, which is cute, but without Cade, they're basically the Bad Boys... of losing.

Remember when everyone was hyping up Detroit? Saying they were back? Yeah, well, that's what they WANT you to think. Don't fall for it. This team is classic smoke and mirrors. They're just another example of fake news perpetrated by the deep state and the woke sports media.

Cade, bless his heart, was averaging 24.5 points and 9.9 assists. That's good, I guess. But let's not pretend he's LeBron. He's just a guy who happens to be good at putting a ball through a hoop. And now, thanks to his deflated respiratory system, he's out of commission. Maybe he should lay off the soy and try some red meat. Real men don't get collapsed lungs, folks.

And let's talk about those awards. The guy needs to play 65 games to be eligible for the All-NBA team. Seriously? Talk about rigged. So now, because of a lung that decided to take a vacation, he might not get his participation ribbon. Womp womp.

So where does this leave the Pistons? Probably sucking. Unless they can find a way to clone Cade or maybe inject some winning juice into the rest of the team, they're toast. They'll probably get swept in the first round of the playoffs by Boston, or Milwaukee, or whoever the woke mob decides should win. It's always rigged.

This is just another reminder that hope is a dangerous thing, especially in Detroit. Don't get your hopes up, folks. Just lower your expectations, hunker down, and prepare for the inevitable disappointment. That's the American way.

Maybe they should start a GoFundMe to buy Cade a new lung. Or maybe just trade him to a team that actually knows how to win. Either way, it's gonna be a long couple of weeks for Pistons fans. Buckle up, buttercups.

He tried to dive for a loose ball, okay? Loose ball. That's how it happened. Some say he was wearing a mask. Some say his mask was from China, and the virus did it.

The NBA is dying anyway. Ratings are down because they went woke. So go broke.

Sources: * Breitbart News (https://www.breitbart.com/) * The Daily Wire (https://www.dailywire.com/)