So, the geniuses in Parliament have decided to pump even MORE money into the already bloated Aukus submarine deal. Treasurer Jim Chalmers, bless his heart, announced that the Australian Submarine Agency (ASA) is getting a nice little funding bump to $512 million next year. That's right, folks, more of your hard-earned cash going to subs that probably won't even be seaworthy by the time they figure out where to put all the radioactive poop.

The Aukus agreement, remember, is that bright idea cooked up by the previous government to get us some fancy nuclear-powered submarines from the Yanks and the Brits. Because, you know, nothing says “responsible fiscal policy” like buying ridiculously expensive military toys that we can't even maintain ourselves.

The ASA, which is basically the government's submarine concierge service, is also getting a staffing upgrade. They're hiring an extra 326 bureaucrats, bringing the total number of pencil-pushers to a whopping 1,209. Apparently, it takes a whole lotta people to figure out how to spend half a billion dollars. I could do it with like, three dudes and a case of beer.

And the total cost? Oh, just a measly $2.13 billion over the next four years. That's $431 million MORE than they originally estimated. Shocking, I know. When does a government project ever come in on budget? It's like they're TRYING to bleed us dry.

But here's the real kicker: they STILL haven't figured out where to dump the nuclear waste. You know, the stuff that'll glow green for the next 10,000 years? Defence Minister Richard Marles promised us a plan, like, three years ago. Still waiting, Dick.

They're throwing a pathetic $11.9 million at the Australian Radioactive Waste Agency to “develop advice.” Advice? Seriously? How about a freakin' hole in the ground? Or maybe we can just launch it into space. I'm sure Elon Musk would be thrilled to help us out.

So, let's recap: we're spending billions on submarines we don't need, run by bureaucrats we can't afford, and we have absolutely no clue what to do with the nuclear waste. Sounds like a perfectly rational plan, right? Only in Australia, mate. Only in Australia.

This whole thing is a joke. A really expensive, potentially radioactive joke. But hey, at least we'll have some shiny new submarines to show off to our Chinese overlords when they finally decide to come knocking. Assuming we can find a place to park them, and a place to dump the uh... byproducts. FFS.