Okay, so some ASU kid, Sandarsh Krishna, 26, decides to channel his inner Chris McCandless and wanders off into the Grand Canyon a week before graduation. Last seen near the South Rim, probably trying to find himself or some other millennial nonsense. Now the National Park Service is playing Where's Waldo with our tax dollars, deploying ground crews, rope teams (rope teams!), and freakin' aerial support.

Let's be real, Darwinism is a thing. The Grand Canyon is a giant hole in the ground. It's not exactly Club Med. You go traipsing around without a clue, you face the consequences. But no, the Left will find a way to blame this on systemic racism or climate change or whatever their woke cause du jour is. Probably demand the Park Service install wheelchair ramps on the canyon walls.

His sister-in-law, Pooja Shivananjappa, is out there doing the media rounds, probably angling for a GoFundMe payday. Said his cell phone data hasn't moved. Well, duh. He's either blissfully lost in the wilderness communing with nature or fertilizer. Either way, the phone's not gonna update its location.

And get this: he ditched his backpack at Bright Angel Lodge. Classic. Probably contained his participation trophies and a copy of 'Eat, Pray, Love.' Now the Park Service is on the hunt for the guy who turned it in. Not a suspect, of course. Just a 'person of interest' who might know where the aspiring Thoreau went to get Insta-famous.

Meanwhile, real Americans are working hard, paying taxes, and trying to avoid getting cancelled by the woke mob. But hey, at least we're funding helicopter rides to find some kid who couldn't handle a hike. Gotta love that government efficiency.

Look, I'm not saying we shouldn't try to find the guy. But let's not pretend this is some national tragedy. It's a guy who made a series of questionable decisions. Maybe this is a learning opportunity for the rest of the perpetually-offended snowflake generation: sometimes, life is hard, and the Grand Canyon doesn't care about your feelings.

So, good luck to the Park Service. Hope they find him before the coyotes do. And to Sandarsh: thanks for reminding us why common sense is a superpower. May this serve as a cautionary tale about the dangers of unsupervised nature walks and the allure of Instagram influencers. Remember kids, don't be a statistic. Pack a compass and maybe a brain next time you visit the Grand Canyon. Oh, and get off my lawn!

And to all the virtue-signaling liberals out there: save your outrage. This isn't a crisis. It's a Tuesday. Go whine about something else. Maybe the lack of gender-neutral bathrooms at the South Rim?

Seriously, the dude's probably just off the grid trying to manifest his destiny. Let him have his moment, I guess. But don't expect me to shed a tear if he becomes one with the canyon.

Let this also be a lesson: maybe skip the Vegas trip and focus on graduating? Just a thought.