Okay, so the Roundhouse dropped a report. Apparently, the perpetually aggrieved millennials and zoomers are now complaining they don't have enough access to the 'creative arts.' 87% feel 'disconnected,' they whine. Newsflash: life isn't a participation trophy factory. Welcome to reality.

The root cause, according to these delicate flowers? Rising costs, the vanishing of 'third spaces' (whatever those are), and, you guessed it, not enough government handouts. The Roundhouse is clutching its pearls about a £1.2 billion cut in youth service spending since 2010. Cry me a river of artisanal tears. Maybe try, I dunno, working for your dreams instead of demanding taxpayers foot the bill for your finger painting.

London's youth unemployment is a 'crisis' at 24.6%? Boo hoo. Suck it up, buttercup. The national average is only 14.6%. Maybe those art grads should consider, like, a real job. Or, even better, starting a business. Innovation, entrepreneurship... ever heard of it?

Jack Rooke, some Bafta-winning writer (who cares?), bemoans the disappearance of his precious 'nurturing spaces.' Dude, grow a pair. The world isn't obligated to coddle your artistic sensitivities. Get out there and hustle, like every other successful person in history. Stop waiting for someone else to build your platform.

One in eight feels excluded due to 'class or background.' Translation: They didn't get a scholarship to Eton and now it's everyone else's fault. Newsflash: Life's unfair. Deal with it. Work harder. Stop blaming society for your shortcomings.

Alan Milburn's report on NEETs (Not in Education, Employment, or Training) is just more evidence that we're raising a generation of entitled snowflakes. Structural issues? Ill health? Inequality? More like laziness, bad choices, and a refusal to take responsibility for their own lives.

The solution? Less government, more personal responsibility. Stop funding useless 'arts' programs that churn out unemployed baristas with graphic design degrees. Encourage young people to learn valuable skills, start businesses, and contribute to the economy.

Arts are good and important, right? Sure they are! But if your art relies on some bureaucrat somewhere agreeing to fund your existence, maybe your art ain't all that good. If you can't bootstrap your own creativity into something commercially viable, maybe find a hobby. Seriously, this whole 'woe is me, my art isn't being funded!' schtick is getting old.