CHICAGO – So, another day, another shooting in Chi-Raq. This time, it's an 18-year-old Loyola student, Sheridan Gorman, who caught a stray bullet near campus. Color me shocked. (Narrator: He wasn't shocked.)

Remember when they told us defunding the police would magically solve all our problems? Turns out, taking away resources from the only people who can actually stop this stuff just leads to more… well, this. But hey, at least we're being 'equitable,' right?

Our esteemed university president, Mark C. Reed, released a statement saying it's a 'tragic loss.' You don't say! I thought it was a hootenanny. What’s next, a strongly worded letter to the criminals? Maybe a diversity and inclusion training session for the gangbangers?

The geniuses running this city are probably brainstorming new ways to make life easier for the perps. Maybe free housing? A guaranteed basic income for aspiring thugs? The possibilities are endless!

Meanwhile, the rest of us are left to dodge bullets and watch our city crumble. But don't worry, the important thing is that we're having the right conversations about 'systemic injustice' while actual systems are collapsing around us.

The campus safety alert mentioned the shooter was wearing a face covering. Shocking. Probably to protect himself from the 'rona, right? I mean, gotta stay safe while committing felonies. Priorities, people!

They're investigating if this is connected to other violent incidents. You think? Maybe they should try connecting it to the utter lack of law and order that has turned Chicago into a dystopian hellscape.

So, let's recap: crime is soaring, the police are hamstrung, and our leaders are more concerned with woke virtue signaling than actual solutions. Sounds about right. Sleep tight, kids!

Seriously though, this is beyond a joke. These 'leaders' are more concerned with virtue signaling than protecting the damn citizens. And until that changes, expect to see more headlines like this. More vigils. More tears. And absolutely zero progress.

Time to wake up and realize that tough problems require tough solutions. Not rainbow flags and kumbaya sessions.