Okay, folks, gather 'round. Another dry April in Southern England? You know what that means: the end times are nigh! Or maybe it just means it didn't rain enough. But let's not rule out the Deep State messing with our weather again. Remember that 'global warming' scare? Now they're just messing with the rain to control us. Classic.

The so-called 'hydrological survey' – probably funded by Soros – says river flows are gonna be low. Big deal. They always say something's gonna be low. My expectations for government competence are already subterranean. You can't scare me.

Apparently, rainfall was 23% less than 'average.' Average? Who defines 'average'? The same people who say there are 72 genders? Yeah, I didn't think so. And Essex got, like, no rain. Which is probably good because Essex is already… well, you know.

But hold on! The Met Office (more Deep State shills) says it might get wet later in May. So, crisis averted? Nah, they're just trying to lull us into a false sense of security before they unleash the next manufactured disaster. Wake up, sheeple!

Farmers are whining about water. Of course, they are. What else are they gonna do? Farm? Please. They'll probably demand more government handouts because the 'weather is unfair.' I'm starting to think they're in on it, too.

Cambridgeshire is the driest city. No surprise there. Probably full of liberals watering their soy plants. Southern Water – sounds like a communist collective – claims reservoir storage is fine. Right. And Jeffrey Epstein killed himself. Sure.

These so-called 'experts' keep telling us to conserve water. Why? So the globalists can have more for their underground bunkers? I'm gonna take longer showers just to spite them. Maybe I'll water my lawn with Fiji water. What are they gonna do, arrest me?

Bottom line: Don't trust the narrative. Don't trust the 'experts.' And definitely don't trust the rain. It's all a conspiracy, man. Stay woke.