MOUNT HOOD, Ore. – You can't keep a good patriot down, even if you drop eight tons of rock on him. A climber on Mount Hood learned that lesson the hard way this weekend, proving once again that American grit trumps geological misfortune. The libs probably wanted that boulder to win. Sad!

Some poor sap got himself wedged under a 16,000-pound boulder on Mount Hood. A rockslide, they're calling it. I'm calling it a test of his resolve. Bet he didn't even have his Second Amendment rights with him. Probably a woke vegan. But hey, at least he survived.

The Clackamas Fire District, those brave lads, swooped in after the usual virtue-signaling bystanders couldn't budge the thing. Gotta love those guys who know how to actually do something. They built some contraption to lift the boulder, proving that engineering is way more effective than pronouns.

LifeFlight and OHSU, too. Gotta give credit where it's due. Docs assembled, helicoptered in... classic American efficiency. Probably saved him from a GoFundMe for basic medical care. Thanks, Obama!

The climber, whose name is probably something annoyingly millennial like 'Kai' or 'River,' is expected to recover. Good for him. Hope he learned a valuable lesson about the dangers of nature. Or maybe he'll just demand reparations from the mountain.

Remember when people used to be responsible for their own dumb decisions? Now it's all 'climate change' and 'systemic inequality.' Yeah, okay. Maybe don't climb a freaking mountain if you can't handle a little rock and roll.

Honestly, this whole thing is just another excuse for the left to whine about something. They'll probably try to ban climbing now. Or demand that all boulders be registered as 'assault rocks.' Watch. See if I'm wrong. Bet they'll demand the mountain itself to be rebranded with they/them pronouns.

But hey, at least the guy survived. And the rescuers did their jobs. Maybe we can all agree on that, even the woke snowflakes.

Next time, stick to the bunny slopes, libtards. Leave the mountains to the chads. The mountains are our natural heritage, not some place to get triggered. This guy got lucky but at least he didn't need a bail-out.

So, raise a glass to American ingenuity and the stubborn refusal to be crushed by even the most massive of geological obstacles. Now, back to ranting about Hunter Biden's laptop.